Pregnant!
So now, finally, I was ready for a baby. [Check out the beginning of the story here.]
There was just one little problem… we didn’t have anywhere to live.
Before going to Haiti, we had decided to look for a new rent house instead of renewing our lease. We thought we would find a new rent house fast [I was working in real estate at the time, for crying out loud]. WRONG!
After looking at what seemed like a million houses, we approached a friend about moving into the empty room in her apartment. She was eager to have help with the rent and we were in desperate need of a place to lay our heads. In the weeks following, we looked at a million more houses and finally found something that worked.
The day we moved in I stopped taking birth control.
Two weeks later I started feeling funky. I called my sister [who was the only other person on this planet who knew I was off birth control]… she had 3 kids and was pregnant with her 4th. She knew how this thing worked. She chalked my queasy, crampy tummy up to starting a new job [back in foster care!] and my hormones adjusting to being off birth control.
I told Tim about not feeling well and that I wanted to take a pregnancy test. He thought I was jumping the gun but agreed so I wouldn’t drive myself [or him] crazy thinking about it. The next morning, I was in awe and Tim was completely shocked when we looked at a positive pregnancy test!
One week later, we had our first appointment with Dr. Glenn where it was [officially] confirmed that I was pregnant. And we rejoiced!
Hearing that we got pregnant so quickly gets a myriad of reactions. Some people gasp while other giggle while others say, “That’s what happened with us too.” But I have a word for those of you who want to weep at these words or scream or just slowly lower your hands and head as this is very opposite from your experience. I have a word for those of you who have walked the unbearable road of infertility or infant loss.
Several weeks ago, our Wednesday night Bible class camped out in Genesis 3 while discussing, as the class is cleverly named, “New Year’s Resolutions and Other Broken Promises.” I was following along through the chapter in The Voice translation when words hit me so hard everything else in the room grew dim. I read and re-read and re-read and re-read again the following verse as God told of the consequences we and our world would experience now that sin had entered…
Genesis 3:16 “(to the woman) As a consequence of your actions, I will increase your suffering – the pain of childbirth”… Yeah, yeah, we know that part. But, here is the part that still has my heart and mind reeling… “And the sorrow of bringing forth the next generation.”
Dear Ones, I do not know of greater pain than mourning the loss of a child or mourning the reality of a child that may never be.
I believe that in that moment in the garden thousands of years ago God was thinking of you and mourning with you. God was mourning because He felt your pain so acutely. Though we refer to Him as Him and God the Father, Sisters, we were made in His image. We are women and mothers because we are like Him. God made our Mommy Hearts because He made us look like Him. Know that His “Mommy Heart” [am I allowed to say that?] was thinking of you and mourning your loss with you.
But…But, that is not where the story ends, or even where it began. Back up just 1 verse…
Genesis 3:15 “(to the serpent) I will make you and your brood enemies of the woman and all her children; The woman’s child will stomp your head, and you will strike his heel.”
I am of the belief that this child that will be stomping the serpent’s head is Jesus Christ. Sister, death may be striking your heel, but know that Jesus Christ has crushed it’s head. The rescue plan was already set into motion before the reality of “the sorrow of bringing forth the next generation” was spoken.
Let God the Father draw close to you, let Jesus cover you in his perfect grace, and allow the gentle presence of the Holy Spirit minister to you. He will meet you in your pain. He will meet you in your greatest grief. He will meet you.
That’s where He met me.
Grace and peace,
Lindsey
P.S. I would love to hear from you...comment on Facebook [ Lindsey "Mills" Kennedy ], Instagram [ lindseyakennedy ], or e-mail me at lindseyakennedy@outlook.com!
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