Open vs. Closed Adoption

A question we have already gotten a lot is, "Will you have an open or closed adoption?" We have gotten a wide variety of responses to our answer.

Here's a quick review of the different options:

Closed Adoption: The birth parents know nothing about the adoptive parents, and the adoptive parents know nothing about the birth parents. The file is "closed" until the child reaches 18 years of age. At that time, the child can access the information in the file and begin searching for his or her birth parents.

Semi-Open Adoption: The adoption agency acts as a medium for the birth parents and adoptive parents. Basic name information will be given to each party. Pictures and letters are funneled through the agency. More information and contact can occur when the child reaches 18 years old.

Open Adoption: The birth parents and adoptive parents meet prior to the baby's birth. They determine the amount of contact each party is comfortable with. This may be as minimal as exchanging e-mail addresses in order to exchange letters and photos. Some are as much as spending time with each other's families over weekends and spending birthdays together. I would guess the majority are somewhere in between.

So which will it be for us....?

We desire an Open Adoption.

In order to work with Christian Homes, you have to be willing to have an open adoption. The birth mother (or birth parents) initially determine which of the 3 they are most comfortable with. If they desire an open adoption, then the adoptive parents (us) get to be a part of the conversations determining the extent of the contact. And ultimately...get the make the decision of how much contact is best for our child and family.

If you would have asked me a year ago what kind of adoption I wanted, I would have strongly said "Closed Adoption Only". But the Lord had different plans. Over the course of this past year, the Lord has been educating me and softening my heart. I have been educated by an adoption podcast, friends who have walked this path before me, and Christian Homes.

Adoption research indicates that children do much better long-term knowing "where they came from". Don't you like to know who you look like, parts of your birth story, and where some of your interests came from? These are some of the building blocks necessary for developing personal identity. We want that for our child!

Are we scared?

No! Part of that comes from the "peace that passes understanding". Part of that comes from us wanting what's best for our child. Part of that comes from Tim and me being research minded and putting validity in what research has found.

And...part of that is wanting to know the woman who carried our child. She is giving us the greatest gift any other human could possibly give us. Our love and respect for her is already so strong...even though we don't know her yet. We want to honor her for her gift. We want to know some of her desires for how we will raise her child. We would love to have a healthy relationship with her that lasts our entire lifetimes.

We believe it's what's best for our child,

our child's birth mom, and us.

What other questions do you have? E-mail them to me at lindseyakennedy@outlook.com OR post them on Facebook or Instagram.

Photos courtesy of wix.com